My P-P-P-Poker Face: A Post-Grad Reflection

With graduation looming in a couple of months, I decided to look towards my own future and see what the post-grad life might hold. Some students might go onto grad school, a job, a volunteer service, or maybe travel the globe for a year. Currently, I'm hoping for a job, but we all need a good, solid backup plan. So, this past weekend, I took a crack at learning a fool proof plan to making money and setting up a comfortable future. What was this plan? Just the classic money making career of a professional Texas Hold 'Em player. 

This profession holds a lot in store for someone like me. There's the opportunity to not sit behind a desk all day, travel around, make new friends everywhere I go, and be in a different setting each and every day. What more could one want? All I had to do now is learn how to actually play properly.  My too kind of a roommate offered to help me learn the wild card game and bring a glimmer of hope to my future. We took to the decks and had room filled poker match to the death. 

The first trait of poker I learned is to always cover your face and don't give any signs of having a great hand. That's a clear sign for everyone to fold faster than you can shout, "Royal flush, royal flush, royal flush!!!" So, I went into my room, found a few random articles of clothing that seemed to match, and marched my way back to the table like Lizzie McGuire shatay shwantaying in Roma. However, just like Lizzie, my sunglasses too shown like the light from the sun. Only they reflected my cards in hand for all to see. Clearly not a smart move when trying to be stealth like. This also gave away my biggest advantage: bluff like I'm full of fluff. Before long, they knew I faked it more than I made it.

This brings me to the second important strategy when trying to go pro...

Maybe don't always bluff. It's just a suggestion, though. If you have the gusto to put your entire life on the line when you have nothing but a high card of 6, then you do you. But take my whole one night of experience when I say, you will go broke. But, hey, you might know more than me. Maybe you enjoy putting everything on the line, just to find out that your opponents are already aware of your strategy. Just like the Diamondbacks knew Any Pettitte's pitches by the shaking of his glove in the 2001 World Series. This happened to me on more than one occasion Friday night. Every couple of hands, I'd start early with the higher betting, just to put the fact that I have some solid cards in everyone's mind. Occasionally, I'd even fold early in the game. I might've had a decent chance at winning, but I was fully committed to this game of deception. I felt like the commander of a submarine in WWII, using deceit to keep my cards and final goals a secret. Yet, unlike those great commanders, I was pretty bad.

Although I ended up being pretty bad at my future career, everyone has to start somewhere. The great Captain Jack Sparrow didn't begin his pirating career by taking out the govnah on his first rendezvous. He had to slowly build his way up to captain, get marooned, and then finally take over the high seas. So, I know patience must be my virtue and slowly continue my career as the top poker player in the Mid-Atlantic.